Goodbye Grandma - Remembering Ruth Villwock (May 2015)

If you've been following along with the blog, you'll know that I told of my Grandma passing away in late April 2015. It was a hard but good time, as my Grandma had been suffering for many years. I was looking forward to the funeral the first week of May and my husband thought it was a bit strange. I told him how every event I'd gone to at Salt Creek Baptist Church in Dallas, OR brought back happy memories. I'd been there for several great-uncles' and great-aunts' funerals, several of my mom's cousins' weddings, going to Sunday School and church there as a child when visiting my grandparents, and many family events from anniversary parties to Christmas celebrations (an added perk when one's uncle is an elder at the church and our family had outgrown fitting into his house!). So many memories of running around with my cousins and visiting with each family member that I hold dear. Even through the tears at funerals, there were always many laughs and smiles, lots of catching up, and sharing of the many memories we'd made over the years as an extended family.

My grandparents' 40th Anniversary Party at Salt Creek with their grandchildren (two more were born later).

My Grandma's funeral was as I expected and more - a bittersweet, lovely time of remembering everything my Grandma meant to all of us and taking comfort in being together and knowing my Grandma was with her Savior and no longer suffering. The pastor at the church was newish and didn't know my grandmother well, but he did a great job (and we felt a connection as he was previously the pastor at the church affiliated with the Dunes Bible Camp that all us Gardner kids and now the Gardner grandkids go to). I hung out mostly with my cousins as we looked after all our kids (my Grandma has 26 great-grandchildren!).

We talked about lots of memories and special times with my grandparents. The Christmas when it snowed and we sledded down the hill in front of the house that my Grandpa built when my mom was thirteen. Walking through Grandpa's cherry orchard with him, and, depending on the time of year, enjoying the blossoms or asking Grandpa to pick some cherries that the cherry picker missed and were too high for us to reach. Playing Flinch with Grandma (her favorite game!) and enjoying all the delicious treats she always had waiting for her grandkids.

Growing up, I was somewhat jealous of all my Oregon cousins that got to see my grandparents more often than I did (for instance, I only go to go one time on their annual Mother's Day weekend camping trip, but that one time was sure special as my Grandpa took me out alone in his aluminum row boat on North Twin Lake, I caught my first fish and it was way bigger than his!). But I also realized that living farther away brought some special treatment too. For example, I'm sure I spent many more nights at their house than my cousins who lived close by! And thus, I have many memories of just me with my grandparents (being the youngest of four kids, my older siblings were grown or no longer interested in coming down as often by the time I was in middle school), whether it was digging up potatoes with my Grandpa or doing a puzzle with my Grandma.

One especially memorable event was Christmas Day sometime around 1990. My dad had to work over Christmas, so my mom and us kids headed down to Dallas. I think two of my siblings stayed at my cousin's house and the oldest one was on her own by then. Since the extended family was to celebrate on a day right around Christmas but not on Christmas Day, my mom and me and my grandparents drove over to Lincoln City on the coast. It ended up being a gorgeous, relatively warm (for December!) day and we had a glorious time together, walking on the beach, building a sand castle and enjoying the views. Just this week my mom was going through some old stuff found a card from my Grandma to me in which she wrote how much she was looking forward to getting to spend that Christmas Day with me. I remember I was a bit sad my own family wouldn't be able to be together and how the Villwock Christmas celebration would be another day so there wouldn't be much for me to do on December 25th itself. But my Grandma made sure it was special to me, and, indeed, that Christmas from my childhood stands out from all the rest in my mind even today!

It was warm enough to take my jacket off!

 All my childhood memories of my Grandma are usually "joint" memories with my Grandpa. He passed away one month before my wedding. I was sad he missed it, but so happy my Grandma was still well enough at that time to come. She had a hard time adjusting to life without my Grandpa, although continued to be the strong matriarch of our family.

By the time Abby was born (six years later), my Grandma's health had deteriotated to the point where she entered a nursing home for some rehabilitative care following a surgery, went home for awhile with a live-in caregiver, but returned to a nursing home a year or so later. We sadly watched her lose more and more of her physical abilities from walking to being able to feed herself, and then even to be able to talk or lift her hands because of a stroke. It was nearly impossible to communicate with her the last year of her life, although she would try hard and sometimes would get a word or two out. It was obvious her mind had not faded at all and she was quite aware of everything around her, but was just trapped inside a body that had failed her. She was in tremendous pain, especially in her back. She had been wanting to die for quite some time and it was hard to see her in such a state. But even so, she was always so happy for a visit from her grandchildren and great-grandchildren and we, too, were always blessed to visit her. Those last few years I found myself wishing again that I lived closer to my Grandma, not because I felt like I was missing out anymore but because I wish I'd had more opportunity to serve and love on her after all she'd meant to me and done for me over the years.

Saying goodbye to my Grandma two days before her death.

The funeral itself was a bright and sunny day. We started up at the church cemetery on a hill just down the road from the church. "Just" the family and very close friends were invited to this one - I love our big family. :)

I think I've mentioned the cemetery before but I love it (is that really weird to love a cemetery??). It sits on this most picturesque hill overlooking a valley. One big, old white farmhouse can be seen in the valley and it is where my Grandpa grew up and it is still in the family. My mom remembers going there every Sunday after church to her grandparents' for a huge Sunday dinner and playing with all her cousins. The cemetery itself is a treat to explore, if one loves history and family like I do. Lots of old graves from the pioneer days, and many family graves with the Villwock last name.

I don't think it's as typical in other places to have open-casket ceremonies anymore, but it's pretty much the standard for Salt Creek funerals. This time, they opened the casket at the end of the grave-site service for anyone who wished to view. I was a bit hesitant to go forward, but I've always appreciated the closure it gives to see the lifeless body and knowing the person is no longer present with us. All the funerals I've been to in Dallas were of godly men and women who were confident of their faith in Christ and I think that makes a difference too. As 1 Corinthians 15:55 says, "O death, where is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" Because of my sure hope of seeing my Grandma again one day in the presence of our Lord, I can look at death and still have joy even in the midst of my momentary sorrow.

And then we headed over to the church for the memorial service, which was wonderful, even though I ended up having to spend a lot of it the mother's and infant room because Lizzy just wouldn't be quiet (the room had a window so I could still see which was great!). My cousin John, pictured below, read my brother's words of remembrance for him, as my brother was in Alaska. My cousin Alysun put together a wonderful and touching slideshow that made everyone cry (okay, not everyone - there are some tough, farming folk there!). :)

My mom put together an absolutely wonderful display of pictures and various documents that showcased my Grandma's life.

One of her dear friends at the church (and I think she's the wife of one of my Grandpa's cousins?) made the centerpieces on the tables at the reception. They were perfect. Vases filled with flowers from her farm and yard surrounded by various items to represent my Grandma: spools of thread for all the sewing, quilting and crocheting she did; a pencil and paper clip for all the many years she was the secretary at Dallas High School (she starting working there when my mom was in high school and was still working there when my oldest sister went to live with my uncle and attended the school!); a sheet of music representing her many years singing in the church choir with her strong, beautiful alto voice; and a book because she loved to spend her spare time reading (my best cousin Jayne and I would borrow books from Grandma's "library" every time we visited!). It was such a thoughtful touch and so special!

If you are interested, this is my Grandma's obituary:
http://www.dallastribute.com/book-of-memories/2120664/Villwock-Ruth/obituary.php

And the amazing slideshow Alysun put together:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbzHvg1welk&feature=youtu.be