Benjamin: 3-years-old

I love my Benny. He's funny, he's special, and he's sweet. His beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair melt my heart. He loves all things boy, from trucks and cars to dirt and messes. This past year he has grown from a little toddler who barely said a few words to a big boy who talks non-stop all the time. Oh, boy, do I love to just sit and listen to him talk! He has the sweetest little voice and says words in that stereotypical toddler/preschool fashion ("lellow" for "yellow," etc) that Abby never did. Sometimes he gets so excited telling me about something that he can barely even get the words out and stutters - completely adorable. His favorite things to talk about? Trucks, machines, and cars :o)

But this past year has not been without it's difficulties. And lots of them. We sailed through the "terrible twos" with Abby, decided that the twos was actually one of the best and easiest years. Not so with dear Benny. About a third of the way into Ben's 2-year-old year, we hit an all-time low with him - temper tantrums, screaming, fits, toy-stealing, pushing, shoving, hitting, kicking, biting. Oh yeah. Good times. Ben has shown a bent toward anger and stubbornness nearly from birth, but it manifested itself in greater ways than ever before as we hit the so-called terrible twos.  And if it couldn't get worse, Ben went through a two-month phase where he refused to hug or kiss me and pushed my hugs and kisses away. Seriously, it broke my heart. I knew that I might have to face similar reactions during the teenage years, but I never dreamed I would have to deal with such behavior from my little 2-year-old boy. I didn't know what to do. I tried reading more parenting books, I tried new and different forms of discipline, but nothing seemed to help. Kevin and I had discussion after discussion and we had no idea what else to do. I remember crying on the phone to a friend on more than one occasion. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I told God that I was not worthy to be this little boy's mama. I felt like I was failing my son. I cried many tears. I felt guilty for not being a better parent. I felt guilty that on some days I was even beginning to have a hard time seeing the good in my son, and sometimes, even loving him how I should. I felt helpless, frustrated and exhausted.

But finally the day came when my Ben quit pushing my kisses and hugs away. Tears of joy streamed down my face. I knew that we could make it, no matter how hard the road ahead. To be able to kiss him and hold him again was amazing - I feel like I will never take his affection for granted again! And somewhere along the way, his behavior did begin to improve, little by little. Around Christmas time, I had a moment of realization: Ben's temper tantrums, disobedience, and overall defiance had improved. A lot. Most of the changes had been small and barely noticeable on their own, but looking back over the previous months I began to realize that all those little improvements had combined into a big improvement. Yes, there was (and is) much, much farther to go, but it was such a relief to realize that we were moving out of the "terrible twos" and finally moving in a forward direction.

Showing off his muscles. :)

 Ben still continues to be my "challenging" child and the battles are certainly still daily, but now my boy's sweetness is shining through again. The moments when he says out of the blue, "Mommy, I love you," mean more to me than anything. I never take for granted the times when he wants to cuddle up with me or hold my hand. More and more times now when I ask him to do something, I'll hear, "Yes, Mama," rather than a defiant no. He has finally outgrown screaming/crying for up to twenty minutes upon waking. He is learning, little by little, to be helpful around the house. He and Abby have grown to be great friends, which makes my mommy heart overflow with joy. Yes, they still fight here and there, but they are buddies and I couldn't be more pleased.

Holding hands while they watch a video together.

And he is even learning to be kinder to his little brother and I hope someday they will become buddies too.

Some days are still quite difficult and, even recently, we went through another "bad behavior phase" but I am learning more as a parent and it is rewarding to see consistent discipline and training pay off. I still feel like I mess-up way too many times myself, but I pray that through God's grace, Ben will one day grow into a godly man who loves Jesus and loves serving Him.

Anyway, back to 3-year-old Ben. We LOVE how Ben has turned into a snuggler and cuddler just as much as Abby. Since he wasn't a cuddler as a baby or toddler, I never expected him to change! Another thing that has been an unexpected blessing is that he is finally potty-trained and it took almost no effort at all on our part! Being strong-willed that he is, I decided not to fight him on potty-training. Every month or so, I would try to encourage it for a day or two, but he was never interested - at first he was scared of the toilet and would cry if I set him on it; later, he was simply defiant about it and said he didn't want to. But as his 3-year-old birthday was approaching, I starting doubting my goal of not pushing him and just letting him lead the way when he was ready. But several days before I left for my trip to Pennsylvania when I asked him if he wanted to go potty as I typical did every so often, he said yes! And for those next three days, he went potty on the toilet about 75% of the time! Of course, I do have to admit that I did something I originally said I wouldn't do as a parent: for the previous few months, I'd been trying to bribe him with candy. For whatever reason, this time it worked and our new rule was he would get a piece of candy if his pull-up was dry AND he successfully went in the toilet. I had no idea how the potty-training would go while I was away, but it kept along at a great pace. Within three weeks, he was potty-trained: dry at night, potty and poops in the toilet, and only an accident every few days. He doesn't want to wear underwear yet and does not want to use public toilets (he just holds it until we get home), but I've told him that when the pull-ups run out he has to start wearing his underwear. We'll see how it goes. :o) I really had been worried about potty-training Ben after having a pretty easy and early training with Abby, so I couldn't be more pleased at how well it has gone! And we're done with the candy incentive too, with only an occasional plea. :)

As for celebrating Ben's birthday, he was spoiled with multiple parties and thus, even today, said something about it still being his birthday...21 days later. :o) On his actual birthday, Abby and I had pink-eye and Jake had a bad cold, so the festivities were limited to Grandma bringing him a few gifts (including trucks to play in the dirt with and a bubble maker), dinner from Taco Bell (his favorite), and some sweet bread my mom had made with a candle. One of the pictures I took of him using his new bubble maker cracks me up because of the location of the bubble and I just had to include it. :)

A few days later when we recovered, we went to Red Robin with my family for Ben's official birthday celebration. It was a wonderfully warm evening so we got to eat on the patio at Red Robin (always makes it extra fun!) and I was pleased that our typically picky-eater ate heartily for his birthday meal (macaroni and cheese w/mandarin oranges, and a few fries :).  And there was no sharing of his free birthday ice cream sundae with anyone! :)

(picture courtesy of my mom)

Then it was time for cake and presents at our house. Ben had requested a tractor cake for his birthday. Decorating cakes is a lot of work and I'm not nearly as talented as some of my friends (ahem, Rachel :), but I have fun with it and it feels so good when the kids get to see it and exclaim how much they love it. Benny was the sweetest and cutest about it - when he got up from his nap, I showed him the cake...and then he sat there for a half hour admiring it and examining every detail! So totally worth the trouble! :)

Excitedly finding the "3" on the cake!

Since he got a John Deere riding tractor from his Aunt Becky, we spent some time outside too and even had a water balloon toss.

This past weekend, he got one final birthday party as we celebrated the spring birthday in the Marks family at Kevin's brother's house. We had a great time visiting, playing board games, barbecuing, and eating dirt cups in honor of Ben's birthday (there was ice cream cake too for the adults that didn't want dirt cups :). Ben didn't know what to make of the dirt cup Aunt Melissa had made for him and was hesitant to try it (bottom right picture), but he soon learned it was delicious!

Happy 3rd Birthday, our dear Benny! We love you so very much!