I am bleary-eyed. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I'm exhausted. It is 3:30am. Abby has been crying for an hour now. I am thankful that at least her crying has corresponded with Kevin getting up, so that I didn't have to get up a separate time with him (he got up at 3:00 and is already on the road to Westport with breakfast and lunch in hand). I want to go back to sleep, but what's the point? I can't sleep with my daughter screaming down the hallway. If you remember, I told you back on July 12th that Abby had been having difficulties sleeping through the night for three or four weeks previous to that date. Well, now we're going on well over a month and a half. Abby used to sleep through the night (at least 7-8 hours straight) and had since about 2 1/2 months old. So when she started waking up at night a month and half ago, I assumed she was going through a growth spurt or something and began nursing her. Unfortunately, I think this got her used to nursing at night and I started to notice a change in her hunger patterns (less eating during the day, lots of liquid at night).
Physically and mentally exhausted from getting up one to three times a night, I consulted my "Ferber" book, as I call it (actually "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber). Ferber confirmed that Abby's body had now grown accustomed to eating at night and needed to be retrained to eat only during the day. And so I began the Ferber method of retraining: begin pushing back the feeding time by a half-hour each night and check on Abby at increasing intervals of time when she is crying (e.g. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes and then every 15 minutes after that until she stops crying). Well, I'm guessing that the idea is that the child usually wakes up at an exact time every night for the feeding and so you can push it back every thirty minutes each night and only have to deal with about a half-hour of crying. Well, Abby doesn't seem to wake at the same time each night. For a few nights she did, and we'd gotten the feeding times down to one time at 4:30am...but then tonight she awoke at 2:38am and hasn't quit crying. So what to do? Give in and feed her at 3:00 and mess up the process so that I'm back to feeding 2-3 times a night? Or keep listening to her crying and hold out for 5:00am (the half-hour later mark from last night)? Well, I'm going to try holding out.
It's 3:52am now. Abby seems to be settling a bit. I must say I haven't checked on her since beginning this post - I use the Ferber method somewhat flexibly and usually at some point I can't handle checking in on her anymore and kind of give up. Is it possible that this hinders the process? Maybe. But tell that to a mom that is so tired and frustrated that she's ready to burst into tears. Or maybe I should throw the process out and just let Abby "cry it out" from the start? I don't know. That's always seemed so harsh to me. At this point, I'm so frustrated with the whole thing that I've even toyed with the idea of giving up breastfeeding in hopes that it might stop her from waking up at night. But I'd always planned to nurse for her entire first year. All I know is that this can't keep going on for much longer.
It's 4:03am. I've been staring at the blinking cursor for the last five minutes praying and hoping that each time Abby is quiet for a moment or two that it will continue. But alas, she is still crying. My stomach is growling from hunger from being up for the last hour and a half and I know that Abby must be really hungry by now. I think if she does not fall asleep, I will feed her at 4:30am. At least I won't be moving backward and maybe tomorrow night she will sleep at least until then? I can only hope.
It's 4:12am and I'm heading to bed. Abby has been quiet for about two minutes and I'm going to cross my fingers that she won't start crying again. Hopefully, she'll sleep for a bit before her next waking so I can get a few zzzz's in...
5 comments:
What a tough night. I'm sorry it's been so rough lately. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, but the right thing sounds horrible! I really hope you can get some decent sleep soon...maybe even tonight. love you.
Oh, Sara, this is rough. Crying it out, feeding multiple times a night... it is all exhausting. I wish I could hand you "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" right through the phone (and give you a break so you could take a nap!). This book helped me with Mandy more than Ferber or Baby Wise. It explains the "why" a bit better I think and doesn't have fancy formulas -- just methods.
PS Don't give up breast feeding simply for this reason. It most likely won't help her sleep longer. I am no longer breast feeding and actually found Mandy slept worse after I stopped. Who knows why.
I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I have a great book that a friend of mine gave me that she had success with, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley (I've heard her ideas referred to as "the Pantley method".) I'd be happy to loan it to you/get it for you if you're interested. Either way, we'll be praying for you guys! I don't know how we did it in the earlier days with the tiny babies, but it's got to be so tough to be getting up so much again. :o(
Sorry it's been so hard lately! Wish I could give you no-fail advice! I think my best encouragement would be that this too shall pass...it is a stage (a hard one!), and sooner or later something will work, or she'll grow out of it. Until then, I am praying you can get the rest you need!
Oh Sara-I am sorry! I am am just getting caught up on your blog and read this post. Hard stuff. I have to say that she has probably grown accomostom to your feeding her and like Ferber says has been taught to be hungry now to eat and also to see you!!! They are social creatures and enjoy us!(fancy that!) The hard thing is that to break this sometimes these little ones need extreme measures. The Ferber book is great and has helpful tools but when Coleson has had spouts of no sleep filled nights he has had to cry it out because seeing us was too much for him and he would get all worked up again. It took a few nights for him to get the idea--and our rooms our right next to eachother-so it was sleepless nights for us as well! but he got the idea and got back in the sleep all night groove. Maybe try hard and not go in AT ALL (except to peek intitially, if you feel the need but cant be seen by her just to be sure she is fine..etc.) But then after that I would let her be. ALL NIGHT. It doesnt hurt to try-does it? It may seem harsh be in reality, not 'letting' her sleep the sleep she needs is harsh too. You know? It's a finicky thing these "growth spurts" Have to be careful it's not a habit forming..more than 3-5 days and it is usually. Anyway... I am sorry for the loss of sleep and the frustration. I hope you are able to take a deep breath and do what you can. Being strong and consistent is KEY!!!
Hang in there my dear! One of the other posters said "this to shall pass" which yes to a point!! if things arent corrected then you will find your self with a much more mobile and resisent toddler on your hands, it's best to try and fix things as soon as possible!! best wishes!! oh and I agree, I think nursing isnt the problem per se... but in a way it is the comfort and food she is seeking. Does she take the bottle? You could try just offering her some water in the bottle or a small amount of formula and see if that is less enticing? Also, I am curious how much she is drinking? No matter what she shouldnt need the extra food at this point but if she is taking in 8-9 counces or so you know it's a legitimate hunger you need to wean her off of vs. going full out. But if it's just a couple/few ounces you know it's just the comfort and seeing you part of it and you could just stop at once. ....prayers!
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